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pseudobagenders
08 May 2008 @ 12:01 am
'The Flares of Cirith Ungol'

(a.k.a BagEnders: Voyager)

Part A

Disclaimer: Again, we are unable to leave Star Trek alone which is how this episode came to be written (see A Brief Explanation below), which means that Tolkien and Gene Roddenberry are probably revolving in sync in their respective graves over this one.

A Brief Explanation: All right, here’s how it is. We write most of PseudoBagEnders over Gmail Chat, so most of it gets mixed up with conversation, and well, y’know how these things happen, we’ve been referring to PBE as BagEnders: The Next Generation between ourselves for a while now, seeing as BagEnders was The Original Series. Which led, naturally and by simple, logical steps to us wondering what on earth BagEnders: Voyager would be like. And this is what we ended up with. If anyone has great ideas for BagEnders: Deep Space Nine or BagEnders: Enterprise, feel free to bombard us with ideas. Who knows, they may get written.


Part the TwentiethCollapse )
 
 
pseudobagenders
18 February 2008 @ 11:01 pm

 ‘Journey to the Cotswolds’

Part D

This episode is dedicated to Bridget’s Dad, our Military Attaché and Advisor in all things Pointy, Armoured and Historical. We are forever in your debt, because now we know what they call those metal curtains that mediæval horses wore. Despite its inspirational role, however, ‘Cotswold Privies’ has left us somewhat disturbed by your literary tastes.

We are currently building fortifications to hold out the following people: Tolkien’s immortal spirit, and the executors of his estate; Pam St. Clement; tandem cycling aficionados; French revolutionaries or their descendants; Boudicca; Lancashire; the Lake District and most of Ye Olde Britain and Scotland, including Lanarkshire; Alex James; Men’s Weightlifting enthusiasts, in fact, enthusiasts of anything and everything, as we have ended up lampooning enthusiasts rather a lot; legitimate maids and cleaning agencies; Beirut; Tel Aviv; Slough; Patrick Stewart, again (we just can’t leave that man alone); people who still sing ‘Daisy, Daisy’ at their children (we beg you, stop at once. After writing this we both had the song stuck in our brains); Historical Recreation Societies; people who joust. The female Historical Recreater is in fact based very heavily (we would even go so far as to say literally) on a very skinny woman Trojie saw at the World Jousting Championships this year (held for some obscure reason in Harcourt Park in the Hutt) attempting to hold off several large moustachioed men with armour and swords, with nothing but a spear and a tabard. Unsurprisingly she was first ‘killed’ in the melee. Which she richly deserved for being daft enough to be in the melee thus armed in the first place.

And last but not least, the Cotswolds. We’re really, really sorry.

Really.


 
 
pseudobagenders
19 December 2007 @ 08:00 am

‘Journey to the Cotswolds’

Part C

This episode is dedicated to Bridget’s Dad, our Military Attaché and Advisor in all things Pointy, Armoured and Historical. We are forever in your debt, because now we know what they call those metal curtains that mediæval horses wore. Despite its inspirational role, however, ‘Cotswold Privies’ has left us somewhat disturbed by your literary tastes.

We are currently building fortifications to hold out the following people: Tolkien’s immortal spirit, and the executors of his estate; Pam St. Clement; tandem cycling aficionados; French revolutionaries or their descendants; Boudicca, Lancashire, the Lake District and most of Ye Olde Britain and Scotland, including Lanarkshire; Men’s Weightlifting enthusiasts, in fact, enthusiasts of anything and everything, as we have ended up lampooning enthusiasts rather a lot; legitimate maids and cleaning agencies; Beirut; Tel Aviv; Slough; Patrick Stewart, again (we just can’t leave that man alone); people who still sing ‘Daisy, Daisy’ at their children (we beg you, stop at once. After writing this we both had the song stuck in our brains); Historical Recreation Societies; people who joust. The female Historical Recreater is in fact based very heavily (we would even go so far as to say literally) on a very skinny woman Trojie saw at the World Jousting Championships this year (held for some obscure reason in Harcourt Park in the Hutt) attempting to hold off several large moustachioed men with armour and swords, with nothing but a spear and a tabard. Unsurprisingly she was first ‘killed’ in the melee. Which she richly deserved for being daft enough to be in the melee thus armed in the first place.

And last but not least, the Cotswolds. We’re really, really sorry.

Really.

 

 
 
pseudobagenders
08 December 2007 @ 03:10 am

‘Journey to the Cotswolds'

Part B

This episode is dedicated to Bridget’s Dad, our Military Attaché and Advisor in all things Pointy, Armoured and Historical. We are forever in your debt, because now we know what they call those metal curtains that mediæval horses wore. Despite its inspirational role, however, ‘Cotswold Privies’ has left us somewhat disturbed by your literary tastes.

We are currently building fortifications to hold out the following people: Tolkien’s immortal spirit, and the executors of his estate; Pam St. Clement; tandem cycling aficionados; French revolutionaries or their descendants; Boudicca, Lancashire, the Lake District and most of Ye Olde Britain and Scotland, including Lanarkshire; Men’s Weightlifting enthusiasts, in fact, enthusiasts of anything and everything, as we have ended up lampooning enthusiasts rather a lot; legitimate maids and cleaning agencies; Beirut; Tel Aviv; Slough; Patrick Stewart, again (we just can’t leave that man alone); people who still sing ‘Daisy, Daisy’ at their children (we beg you, stop at once. After writing this we both had the song stuck in our brains); Historical Recreation Societies; people who joust.

And last but not least, the Cotswolds. We’re really, really sorry.

Really.



 
 
pseudobagenders
17 November 2007 @ 01:46 am

‘Journey to the Cotswolds’

Part A


This episode is dedicated to Bridget’s Dad, our Military Attaché and Advisor in all things Pointy, Armoured and Historical. We are forever in your debt, because now we know what they call those metal curtains that mediæval horses wore.

We are currently building fortifications to hold out the following people: Tolkien’s immortal spirit, and the executors of his estate; Pam St. Clement; tandem cycling aficionados; French revolutionaries or their descendants; Boudicca, Lancashire, the Lake District and most of Ye Olde Britain and Scotland, including Lanarkshire; Men’s Weightlifting enthusiasts, in fact, enthusiasts of anything and everything, as we have ended up lampooning enthusiasts rather a lot; legitimate maids and cleaning agencies; Beirut; Tel Aviv; Slough; Patrick Stewart, again (we just can’t leave that man alone); people who still sing ‘Daisy, Daisy’ at their children (we beg you, stop at once. After writing this we both had the song stuck in our brains); Historical Recreation Societies; bus companies; Terry Pratchett, again; people who joust.

And last but not least, the Cotswolds. We’re really, really sorry.

Really.

 

 
 
 
pseudobagenders
23 September 2007 @ 06:27 am

‘The Forbidden Tennant’

Part D

 

Disclaimer: We are going to get shot by the crossover police one day.

Our corpses will then be mutilated by the following, in no particular order: JRR Tolkien; Alfred Lord Douglas; David Tennant; the BBC; MI6; Jonathan Frakes; Lady Alyssa; Russell T. Davies; Monty Python; George Lucas; Random Dent; Tom Baker; the Christian Church; Gene Roddenberry; Chewbacca; Terry Pratchett; Marina Sirtis; the Chelsea Flower Show; Tim Russ; JK Rowling; Gates McFadden; Kate Atkinson; France; John Barrowman; the bloke who played Doctor Bashir and whose name currently escapes us; the Conservative Party; Catherine the Great; Richard the Lionheart; Rasputin; Toulouse Lautrec; Emmeline Pankhurst; Mel Gibson; Nixon; and our own imaginations.

 
 
pseudobagenders
11 September 2007 @ 10:43 pm

'The Forbidden Tennant'

Part  C

 

Disclaimer: We are going to get shot by the crossover police one day.

Our corpses will then be mutilated by the following, in no particular order: JRR Tolkien; Alfred Lord Douglas; David Tennant; the BBC; MI6; Jonathan Frakes; Lady Alyssa; Russel T. Davies; Monty Python; George Lucas; Random Dent; Tom Baker; the Christian Church; Gene Roddenberry; Chewbacca; Terry Pratchett; Marina Sirtis; the Chelsea Flower Show; Tim Russ; JK Rowling; Gates McFadden; Kate Atkinson; France; John Barrowman; the bloke who played Doctor Bashir and whose name currently escapes us; the Conservative Party; and our own imaginations.


 

 
 
pseudobagenders
03 September 2007 @ 11:27 pm


'The Forbidden Tennant'

Part B

 

Disclaimer: We are going to get shot by the crossover police one day.

Our corpses will then be mutilated by the following, in no particular order: JRR Tolkien; Alfred Lord Douglas; David Tennant; the BBC; MI6; Jonathan Frakes; Lady Alyssa; Russel T. Davies; Monty Python; George Lucas; Random Dent; Tom Baker; the Christian Church; Gene Roddenberry; Chewbacca; Terry Pratchett; Marina Sirtis; the Chelsea Flower Show; Tim Russ; JK Rowling; Gates McFadden; Kate Atkinson; France; John Barrowman; the bloke who played Doctor Bashir and whose name currently escapes us; and our own imaginations.



 

 

 

Part the ThirteenthCollapse )</div>
 
 
 
pseudobagenders
03 September 2007 @ 10:45 pm


'The Forbidden Tennant'

Part A

 

Disclaimer: We are going to get shot by the crossover police one day.

Our corpses will then be mutilated by the following, in no particular order: JRR Tolkien; Alfred Lord Douglas; David Tennant; the BBC; MI6; Jonathan Frakes; Lady Alyssa; Russel T. Davies; Monty Python; George Lucas; Random Dent; Tom Baker; the Christian Church; Gene Roddenberry; Chewbacca; Terry Pratchett; Marina Sirtis; the Chelsea Flower Show; Tim Russ; JK Rowling; Gates McFadden; Kate Atkinson; France; John Barrowman; the bloke who played Doctor Bashir and whose name currently escapes us; and our own imaginations.



 
 
pseudobagenders
21 August 2007 @ 05:28 am

‘The Paternity Suit on the West’

Part C

 

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns all, except for Dave, who is owned by Lady Alyssa and Random Dent, whom we are sure never envisaged such a future for him. We may even have to give him his own spin-off, a la ‘Joey’. We could call it . . . uh, ‘Dave’?

Wagner owns himself and all his music, and we take no responsibility for the behaviour of large sopranos at opera after-parties. If anyone after reading this finds their flat plagued by ‘BOING!’ noises at high volume, we take no responsibility for this either. In fact we absolve ourselves of responsibility for anything and everything, being the weasels that we are.

This episode was written whilst Trojie was trying to write a thesis, and thus to get any writing done Bridget had to be up and on MSN at about two am her time, so all credit for this one at least belongs to her for prodding Trojie into it.

More soon, involving David Tennant, we hope. Well, Bridget hopes. Trojie has less fascination with Dr. Who in the nud.